Have you seen the commercials for the new Travolta film?
So, which advertiser bought their space first do you think?
What was the first thing that crossed my mind when I saw this picture?
"Come on! There's no 'u' in exalteth!"
Need a little laughter this Christmas? Here's a gift!
Imagine it. You settle into the pew on a Sunday morning and the music leader begins: "This is your action news reporter, here at the supermarket. There seems to have been a disturbance here. Pardon me sir, did you see what happened?" The drummer clicks a four count and the band kicks into the old Ray Stevens tune, "Oh yes, they call him The Streak! Look at that! Look at that! He likes to show off his physique ..."
Ridiculous, huh? That's probably why you've never heard a sermon on Mark 14:51-52.
It reads: A young man wearing nothing but a linen garment was following Jesus. When they seized him, he fled naked, leaving his garment behind.
How would you preach it? You could use this text to reinforce that lesson your mom instilled in you--you know, to always be wearing clean underwear in case you're in an accident? Well, had this man had his inner-drawers about him... I'm just saying. Or, a youth pastor could use this text to speak to today's teenage boys who are obsessed with wearing their trousers down around their thighs. Should they ever find themselves being seized for the sake of the gospel and needing to run... well, it ain't gonna be pretty! Then again, "nothing but a linen garment"--sounds like a text for a frat-house toga party. Perhaps the best lesson might be on weather-appropriate dress. The man was wearing nothing but a sheet! What was he thinking? It was a cold night. Just a few hours later, Peter was thankful to be able to warm his hands over a fire.
Not surprisingly, most of my study bibles and commentaries are silent on these two verses. Cowards!
The few that braved the passage offered some observations: First, scholars have identified the man as having likely been between 15 and 25. (Told you. Frat party.) Second, many of these scholars believe the young man was Mark. That's not so hard to believe--if I was caught up like this and seen running away naked, I'd probably talk about it in third person, too. Commentators then start to construct a possible scenario--perhaps it was at Mark's parent's home where the disciples had their last supper. Perhaps Mark was already dressed for sleep. Perhaps he had heard of the treachery in the garden, and in his rush to arrive quickly, he headed out "commando."
Examining the verse in context, however, the point seems to be that Jesus wound up alone. Verse 50 tells us that none of His disciples stayed with Him. The weight, then, of verses 51 and 52 suggests, "yes, they wanted so badly to escape, one guy even ran out of his clothing."
Perhaps this is Mark's way of putting his own inadequacy down in writing. We know through historians that Mark felt a special affection for Peter. Mark had recorded Jesus' prediction of Peter's denial (14:27-31). Perhaps Mark saw his own flight as fulfillment enough of Jesus' words, "You will all fall away." Perhaps he felt compelled to include that in the record before he would chronicle Peter's failure a few verses later.
I've never been one to reach for an allegorical interpretation. Perhaps someone would imply here though--when seized, you had better have been grounded enough to avoid having to flee... naked. That sounds like a nice "moral of the story" ending. But I'd say the better lessons to be caught here are of a follower of Christ, his failures, his brokenness, and his being forgiven, restored... and even to be utilized by God in mighty ways. I'll bet it never occurred to him as he was "streaking" away in fear and shame that people like you and me would be reading his gospel account for thousands of years. God is very good that way, no?
Investigators have few clues to go on in the death of Rocky the Flying Squirrel. Police responded to Christ's Church at around 4AM on Tuesday morning. A series of motion detectors had set off the building's burglar alarm. A member of the congregation was also summoned to the church to let officers in with a key. That man--who police have labeled "a person of interest" in this case--joined police in a search of the building and is said to have discovered Rocky's body under a heavy table. The accompanying photo of the crime scene demonstrates the body's position. Members of Christ's Church close to the individual involved have suggested the death was an accident.
Members of the animal rights group Friends 'O Fur are doubtful of that explanation. "This church has a history of bloody incidents involving small animals. A former staff member there was nicknamed "The Rodent Ripper" for his many bloody crimes against moles. He once smashed a mole with a snow shovel and tried to say that it was an accident. A snow shovel! Whack! How's that an accident? That man recently moved to Charlotte, North Carolina--and you know what? There has been a sharp rise in unsolved rodent deaths there. But with this case--you tell me--how did those heavy tables accidentally fall on a flying squirrel? Someone pushed them! Someone lured Rocky out into the open and shoved those tables over on him."
Members of the group Sound Off, having heard of this case, suggests a motive. "Evolution. The church has historically dismissed evolution for a perceived lack of evidence--especially where transitioned species are concerned. A flying squirrel--think about it. Those creationists are trying to rid the world of evidence." The activist pointed to the winged torso of the flying squirrel--the outline of which can clearly be seen in the crime scene photo. "That's what caused the murder of this little guy!"
The only statement the church has issued was a general statement of remorse for the family of Rocky squirrel.
Look what I got!
...nothing to it, really. My putty job, a couple of marker lights and an ounce of charm (the truck's charm, not mine), and the man slapped the sticker on the glass. My 1970 Ford F100 is street legal. Imagine that! You have to love it: No emissions test. No check engine lights. No sensors. Just tires, brakes, lights and a horn--shoot, my lawn mower could have passed--and we're on the road.
Oh, but I did find a little tranny fluid leak, so don't let me park in your driveway until I get it fixed. In the meantime, anybody got an extra quart of Type F?
Here's another of those passages that you haven't likely heard on a Sunday morning. As one who likes to go camping with my family, this one caught my attention. Makes me thankful for campground facilities! Also made me think of toilet paper. Hence, the Charmin Bear.
Deuteronomy 23:12-13 reads:
Designate a place outside the camp where you can go to relieve yourself. As part of your equipment have something to dig with, and when you relieve yourself, dig a hole and cover up your excrement.
Well there you have it. I can't imagine why preachers don't cover this text around Memorial Day every year, when members of their congregations prepare for summer camping excursions--lest they forget to pack a spade and sin unaware. What's more, all this talk of excrement and excavation has me thinking about the pet-walk areas in campgrounds. You know, those places where they have little plastic baggies that pet owners put on like gloves to pick up after their four legged friends. I'm thinking, use the spade! I mean, plastic baggies are tough on the environment, no? Verses like this show you that God is green at heart.
Let's be serious--for a moment, anyhow. On the surface, this verse looks more like it came out of a Boy Scout manual than out of the Bible. What gives?
Taking a look at the context in which we find this instruction might help. It appears in a little sub-section having to do with cleanliness in the encampment of God's people. Take a look at the thoughts that bookend this section. In verse 9 we read: When you are encamped against your enemies keep away from anything impure. Then in verse 14 we read: For the Lord your God moves about in your camp to protect you and deliver your enemies to you.
Now, within the immediate context, this whole 'bury the excrement' stuff isn't even the most awkward part. You think verses 12-13 would be strange to hear a sermon on, how about verse 10-11? Why all the bodily function talk? Why the specificity?
Verse 14 beginning with the word 'for' gives us the best clue. This is about God's covenant relationship and presence with his people, not latrine theology.
Look back at the first eight verses of the chapter. Oh wow! Verse one... another of those you'll likely never hear in a sermon! Generally, those verses speak about the purity of the assembly of the Lord. They speak of the purity of the people's religious gathering with God. Now look at verse 9 again. It begins: when you are encamped against your enemies. Note that God promises to be just as present with His people when they go to war as He is with them when they put on their best clothes and show up to the house of worship. Again, from verse 14, He promises: to protect you and to deliver your enemies to you.
I'd suggest that these, like all the ceremonial laws, would serve as a constant reminder of the Lord's holiness. You do these things because God is holy. And here, specifically, to remind that He is among His people! He is as present here where you do battle as in the sanctuary where you gather to pray.
Segue that lesson into our daily lives. Do we live as if He is as present with us on Monday mornings as He seems to be on Sundays? Are we as convinced when we find ourselves in a crucial meeting at work, or in a confrontation with a neighbor, or at the side of a loved one's hospital bed? It seems to me that being encamped against the enemy--and uncertain as to how things would go when the arrows start to fly--is a perfect time for God to have given instructions that would remind His people of His presence. But nocturnal emissions and bowel movements? Even in your most private of moments... God is there.
What do you think?
Here's another of those passages that you haven't likely heard on a Sunday morning. As I am getting older and my hair line is in retreat--let's just say I don't find these words as disturbing as I once did.
2 Kings 2:23-25 reads:
From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. "Go up, you baldhead!" they said, "Go on up, you baldhead!" He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths. And he went on to Mt. Carmel and from there returned to Samaria.
You haven't heard this in a sermon lately? How about a Jr. Sermon? That's where I think it would really be a hoot. "Gather round children! Pastor Darin has something to share with you... Do you know what these bible verses mean? You know how sometimes it's fun to tease people? Well, you better be careful making fun of old men... like me. A bear could eat you on your way home from church today! I'm just saying. You better make sure your parents tithe too. Okay? Amen. Head off to Jr. Church now and have a great morning!"
Perhaps Elisha is just so new to this prophetic mantle thing that he doesn't know the power of his own prayer. When I was a teenager, my brother offered me the chance to shoot a .54 caliber muzzle-loader. He warned, "It has a kick." When I squeezed the trigger, the gun recussed against my shoulder with such ferocity that my arm went numb for half an hour. Perhaps when Elisha pronounced his curse and the bears came out of the woods he was thinking, "HA! That'll teach 'em!" but then when they started chewing the limbs off of little boys his jaw dropped with that "O flip!" sort of terror. "Um... never mind. God? It wasn't that big a deal. Yoo-hoo... uh... bears... Shoo! Go away! Nice bear!" Sort of a 'be careful where you point that thing' kind of a lesson for the new prophet.
One commentator I read suggests that a study of the whole of Elisha's ministry demonstrates that he was always compassionate on the repentant and very stern with the obstinate. Well there you have it. Perhaps Elisha stood by saying, "Will you take that back? Say uncle! Let me hear it! No?"
Here are some observations: First, I notice that Elisha is headed up to Bethel. Bethel (beth el) literally means house of God. The city was anything but a house of God in Elisha's day. There was a notorious school of false prophets there. The prophet Hosea would later refer to the city as Bethaven (beth aven)--house of wickedness. Second, it appears to me to be unfortunate that some of our English versions use the word 'children' or even (KJV) 'little children.' The NIV that I've quoted here translates 'youth' and I am not sure that's much better. Throughout the Scriptures the same Hebrew word is applied to many who, in years anyway, are not youth. The word is frequently used of servants and soldiers, and is applied to Isaac and Joseph when each was believed to be in his 20s.
Let me be clear: I'm not suggesting that if this text depicts bears dismembering men in their 20s instead of children that everything changes. The simple words as we read them are troubling--it appears that Elisha was offended so he cursed his attackers, and God sent bears to eat them.
What if it wasn't Elisha who was offended?
Do you remember the storm of controversy that was caused when President Obama used the words "like the Special Olympics" to describe his poor bowling skills? As he apologized he acknowledged that was a very poor choice of words. Political correctness (or perhaps just common decency) tells us that the mentally impaired were slighted. But that was not what the President intended. If you strip back the emotion of it all, what the President meant to belittle was not people with handicaps, but rather the fact that he is a lousy bowler.
I'd suggest to you that this may be a key to this passage. These lads were mocking God's prophet by calling him Baldy. In that culture baldness was often thought of as a disgrace. It was one of the effects of leprosy. It was likely used in the vernacular of Elisha's times (like the word retarded was in the years of my childhood) as being akin with mental degradation. We read this as an insult to Elisha. What if it is God who took offense?
Elisha is God's man. He's picked up the prophetic mantle (earlier in chapter 2). Signs and wonders have accompanied his calling (also earlier in chapter 2). And this band of young men denounce him on the journey to Bethel, "You? God's prophet? With a bald head? You a leper? You must be mentally impaired! You think you will speak with more power than our prophets? We don't fear you! Go ahead! Go on up, Baldy!"
Reads a little differently, doesn't it?
Then again, I really like the Jr. Sermon application above. I might just stick with that. What do you think?
Stephen Ambrose: Undaunted Courage : Meriwether Lewis, Thomas Jefferson, and the Opening of the American West
A gift from my inlaws. Loving it!
Ariel Gore: Bluebird: Women and the New Psychology of Happiness
New book from one of my favorite writers.
David Crowder Band: Church Music
They've done it again.
Pink: I'm Not Dead
Gift from my daughter. Yeah!
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