You've heard the silly slogan "Real Men Don't Eat Quiche." Or perhaps you've seen the variation from Promise Keeper's: "Real Men Sing Real Loud!" But have you heard the sermon 'Real Men Pee Standing Up?' I didn't think so. Here's another of those texts you haven't studied on Sunday mornings.
"And it came to pass, when he began to reign, as soon as he sat on his throne, that he slew all of the house of Baasha: he left him not one that pisseth against a wall, neither of his kinfolk nor of his friends." 1 Kings 16:11
Hey, and that's just one of six mentions of this posture for tinkling in the Bible. You can check out 1 Samuel 25:22, 34, 1 Kings 14:10, 21:21, and 2 Kings 9:8 for the other five.
In each of these texts you should note this consistency: each refers to men within a family or community, and if you look it up in almost any other version besides a King James Version you'll note the word "males" is substituted. So, in short order, it's legitimate to understand these texts as being about battle more than the posture from which people relieve themselves.
Still, the King James has it "pisseth against a wall." You can imagine some King James-only nut having a field day with this, no? Well, imagine no more. Click here if you want to see the video. Four minutes to clarify: real men don't sit when they pee! He even goes so far as to use these verses to support his dislike for other pastors, the President of the United States, other world leaders, German citizens and publishers of any Bible version other than the KJV. No kidding, this man wants to be clear, "You better know I'm going to pee standing up everywhere I go!" Hope he has good aim if he comes to my house. Wow. Talk about hermeneutics-gone-wild.
What does the context of each appearance tell us? In 1 Samuel, David is on his way to wipe out Nabal's family--specifically the men of his family for his wickedness. Read 1 Sam. 25:1-44 to understand the offense, David's anger, Abigail's plea, and the score finally being settled. In 1 Kings 14 God speaks judgment against the house of Jeroboam. In chapter 16 Zimri killed the males in the family of Baasha fulfilling the prophecy of Jehu. And in 2 Kings 9 God speaks of judgment on Ahab's house like that that visited Jeroboam and Baasha's families earlier.
You haven't heard a sermon on these verses (at least not a serious one, allowing that some of you have just watched the YouTube message I linked above) because there isn't anything to preach here. You could hear those verses in passing, though, realizing the sermon would be about God's justice and judgment--not about proper bathroom usage.
What do you think? Talk amongst yourselves--I need to visit the restroom. (Note: This sign hangs above a urinal in one of the juke joints near Asheville, NC where I hope to one day book 3 Chords to play. We play all the finer establishments!)
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