The Investigation Continues

Investigators have few clues to go on in the death of Rocky the Flying Squirrel.  Police responded to Christ's Church at around 4AM on Tuesday morning.  A series of motion detectors had set off the building's burglar alarm.  A member of the congregation was also summoned to the church to let officers in with a key.  That man--who police have labeled "a person of interest" in this case--joined police in a search of the building and is said to have discovered Rocky's body under a heavy table.  The accompanying photo of the crime scene demonstrates the body's position.  Members of Christ's Church close to the individual involved have suggested the death was an accident. 

Members of the animal rights group Friends 'O Fur are doubtful of that explanation.  "This church has a history of bloody incidents involving small animals.  A former staff member there was nicknamed "The Rodent Ripper" for his many bloody crimes against moles.  He once smashed a mole with a snow shovel and tried to say that it was an accident.  A snow shovel! Whack!  How's that an accident?  That man recently moved to Charlotte, North Carolina--and you know what?  There has been a sharp rise in unsolved rodent deaths there.  But with this case--you tell me--how did those heavy tables accidentally fall on a flying squirrel?  Someone pushed them!  Someone lured Rocky out into the open and shoved those tables over on him."

Members of the group Sound Off, having heard of this case, suggests a motive.  "Evolution.  The church has historically dismissed evolution for a perceived lack of evidence--especially where transitioned species are concerned.  A flying squirrel--think about it.  Those creationists are trying to rid the world of evidence."  The activist pointed to the winged torso of the flying squirrel--the outline of which can clearly be seen in the crime scene photo.  "That's what caused the murder of this little guy!"

The only statement the church has issued was a general statement of remorse for the family of Rocky squirrel. 

Comments

[Mark Ellison]

Nice... um... "official" crime scene tape! Yea...

[amanda]

hahahaha! :) I go to the best church ever! lol