Email and snail-mail behind me, I moved on to returning telephone calls. I glanced at Lois’ handwritten notes:
Father Dom – Thank you for lunch yesterday, would like to return the favor next week. Give him a call.
Hector Santiago – Call him when you have a chance re: Father Dom.
Jack – No message. Call him when you get in.
Jack. I’d start there.
“Good morning, Sandi. This is Brian Haas. Is Jack available?”
“He’s on another call. Can you hold just a moment or two Pastor Brian?”
“Sure.” As I waited on hold I snickered at the cheesy recording that played in my ear. ‘You’re listening to Sword of the Lord Radio’ it announced every 30 seconds or so, interspersed with trumpets and harps and assorted other instruments that sounded biblical. Thankfully, just when I thought I could take no more, Jack picked up.
“Hello Brian. Listen, you know I love you, brother”, he began.
That opening led me to believe that what was to follow would either anger me, leave me totally confused, or both.
Jack expressed his concern for my situation. As only he could, Jack sought to make a connection between the allegations lodged against me by the “Jezebel spirits” in my congregation – by that he meant Jay Dukes and those siding with him – and what he saw as my “flirtation with Catholicism”. I patiently listened as he rolled out his entire argument. I noted that he couched his concerns with words like we and our, suggesting that these were not simply his thoughts, but that other pastors in town were equally concerned. Finally he sought to bring his argument home in typical Jack-fashion, “It reminds me of this story about a blind rabbit and a blind snake that bump into each other in the forest. Have you heard that one?”
Was he serious? Had anyone heard such a ridiculous anecdote? Appreciating that an infusion of humor was sure to come, I acquiesced, “No, please, tell me.”
“Okay, well this blind rabbit and this blind snake bump into each other in the forest and the rabbit takes a step back and asks, ‘What kind of animal are you?’ Well, the snake, he’s pretty cunning. He hesitates for a moment and suggests, ‘Let’s see if we can each guess what the other is. I’ll go first.’ The rabbit agreed. So the snake examines the rabbit and says, ‘Wow, you have long ears. You’re warm. You have a bushy tail. You must be a rabbit.’ ‘Yes!’ the rabbit said. ‘Now it’s my turn.’ He observed that the snake was cold and slimy and that he was spineless and slithered around on the ground. Do you know what that rabbit concluded, Brian?”
“I’m sure there’s a punch-line here, Jack”, I offered.
“No, Brian, not a punch-line but a lesson. Do you get it?”
Playing along I ventured a guess, “He concluded that it was a snake?”
“No, Brian. The rabbit said, ‘I know! You’re a lawyer!’”
“So, it was a joke?” Once again Jack had confused me.
“No, Brian. The point is that the description – cold, slimy, spineless, crawling on the ground – could have referred to more than one thing. Just like your spending time with these Catholics can be interpreted by people in more than one way – do you see what I’m getting at?”
There it was – my occasion to smile.
“You think about that, okay? I love you, brother”, and with that, Jack ended the call.
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